miss you as always mum past few days have been hard.im exhausted blocking it out.we made a lovely little party last year for hannah and tracey remember? i havent been able to aknowledge anything mum but i know you understand i know you do.its not that im not thinking of you i just cant deal with the fact your not here.so my only way of getting through is to block everything out.it doesnt make my pain go away but it helps me wake up and live each day a tiny bit easier.i get violent sick pains when i think of things so dont your not in my heart every second cause you are,your a part of me and i carry you with me in everything i do i just cant outwardly talk about it.love you mum my heart is a big black hole without you here.i still dont believe this has happened i shake it out of my head and refuse to believe it.i wont let it in.not ever.love you more than i can put down in words and im glad i told you so every day.wonderful special person you have left such a hurricane of devastition.its going to be a long hard road ahead mum alls i know is i will see you again one day and thats the only thing that keeps me going i know i will see you again.keep the cloud next to you warm for me lol love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx